It's my first day of Spanish class, and I keep mixing up the question about how long I've been in Oaxaca with the question about how long I will be in Oaxaca. I decide to just start giving everyone my arrival and departure dates just in case.
I take a proficiency test which is whisked away from me before I am really finished and suddenly I find myself in a class studying the subjunctive. I keep up with the conjugation charts pretty well and soon it's time for conversation class.
The other two students in the class are given the chance to ask me questions about myself, and a women named Karen asks, "Apoyas los immigrantes?"
"What's 'apoyas'?" I ask.
"Do you support the immigrants?" Karen asks in English. Everyone starts snickering.
I feel heavy. Tired. It's that feeling I get every time Arizona does something stupid and a whole load of judgmental horse shit is suddenly heaped on me and all my fellow Tusconans. You know, the Facebook cheap shots full of snark and self-importance and liberal disdain. Only this isn't Facebook.
Worse yet, Juan the teacher joins in.
"I wouldn't tell people you are from Arizona," Juan says. "Just tell them you are from the United States."
I try to explain that lately Arizona is often at the mercy of a handful of idiots that gain power temporarily and that the good people usually can beat them back eventually, but, unfortunately, my Spanish 102 vocabulary fails me. And by the time I think of asking about how well Mexico is supporting its immigrants from Central America, the moment has passed.
I feel angry. It's a helpless anger, similar to the times I've felt like people aren't seeing me, but are seeing just some chick or some lesbo that they've already made up in their heads. This feels as unfair as sexism or homophobia, for sure. Yeah, I knew it would be weird coming out as queer in Mexico. I just never thought I'd be asked to be a closeted Arizonan.
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